“Sometimes I scare myself”: Trixie Mattel opens up about canceling shows over mental health struggles on Gayotic with MUNA podcast

During a recent appearance on the Gayotic with MUNA podcast, beloved drag queen Trixie Mattel opened up about her mental health struggles and her experiences touring. In a candid conversation with the pop band MUNA, Trixie reflected on her decision to cancel numerous shows in order to prioritize her well-being. She revealed that she took a hiatus in 2023 to focus on healing and recovery.

Trixie Mattel revealed that she frequently experienced breakdowns right before her performances due to her own fear. She shared specific instances in which she would “scare herself”before going on stage.

“I learned like, God, you as an artist can sometimes put up the block. Sometimes I scare myself, especially on camera. My mom could die and then I could go on camera and you would never know.”

She went on to say that facing moments like those made her reflect on her life in the public eye and experience feelings of guilt.

“There are moments where you feel so, ‘Why did I want this?’ And then you feel bad for not brazenly being grateful and loving it. The nerve of me looking in the mirror being like, ‘F*ck this show tonight.’”

Trixie Mattel stated that she had never encountered situations like this in her 10 years as a popular RuGirl. Additionally, during the podcast, she discussed her decision to cancel multiple shows and events in 2023, citing her refusal to perform at various events such as San Francisco’s Outside Lands Festival.

The drag queen’s team announced that she was unable to perform at the time due to “unforeseen circumstances.”

“The Impact of Mental Health: Trixie Mattel Opens Up About Taking a Break in 2023”

Trixie opened up about her battle with mental health, recalling how she would often break down in tears before going on stage for her shows. She went on to explain that her struggles often led to her having to cancel numerous performances.

Trixie Mattel also discussed the fact that she would tear up while putting on drag.

“I have always been really good at compartmentalizing, in a good way. As an artist, sometimes you have to flick that off until you’re done with a show. Last summer, I had to cancel a bunch of shows because I would cry while I was getting in drag — all of it.”

The victorious contestant of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 stated:

“Cry up until I went on, cried during the show, and cried immediately after. I just couldn’t keep the floodgate up. So, I had to be like, I’ve got to pull these shows. I literally can barely get in drag.”

Trixie has been open about the harsh realities of the industry before, as seen in her 2019 documentary Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts. Premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival, the film delves into the life of the drag queen and showcases her struggles, failures, and successes.

Trixie Mattel, also known as Brian Michael Firkus, was born in August 1989 and rose to fame for her contributions to World of Wonder, The Trixie & Katya Show, and I Like to Watch. In addition to her successful TV career, she is also a talented singer and songwriter, having released albums such as Two Birds and One Stone.

Trixie Mattel is involved in various other projects, such as her successful cosmetic brand, Trixie Cosmetics. Additionally, she co-owns This Is It, the oldest LGBTQ+ bar in Wisconsin. Furthermore, Trixie Mattel and David Silver are business partners and together they purchased a motel in Palm Springs, California.